Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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