It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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