Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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