I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
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He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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