I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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