Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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