Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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