I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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