just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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