I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
