Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
