You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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