Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
