So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
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Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
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