Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
