sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
