Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well I just put wine in my tea
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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