Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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