i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
