Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
