Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
