my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
