a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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