if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
