I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
