Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
