My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
