I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
