saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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