That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
