sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
