Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
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The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
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Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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