i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
where are you?
Hypothermia
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
