Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
