It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
