Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
