New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
