maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
