she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
