Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
