last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
