I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
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Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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