I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
