I got chris browned last night
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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