okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
