I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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