hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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