I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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