apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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