If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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