His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
