i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
