So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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