I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
