just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
