Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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