why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
