im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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