im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Be still, my beating vagina.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
