Swine flu. Run for my life!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
