i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
