Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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