i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
