mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
