so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize