I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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