Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
